I’m about as average a person as you could wish to meet. Why don’t I get a parade?

I’m one of the no-longer-majority in California, a white, straight, honest, employed (until retirement), native-born American English-speaker.  Why don’t I get a parade?

I’m a lot of negatives: I don’t do drugs, I don’t drive drunk, I don’t rant about killing off everyone in sight, I don’t fail to pay my bills (and figure that somehow they’ll be written off.) I’m not rude, at least not intentionally. I don’t even cheat on my income tax. Why don’t I get a parade?

It seems that if you want to get ahead in this country, it will pay you to be part of a cause. If there isn’t already such a group that applies to you, just find a lawyer who will help you form one, then you can litigate. Your new group can surely sue anyone from your next door neighbor (if he has more money than you do) to the Federal Government in all its various guises. You might even be lucky enough to get put on one of the endless lists of Protected Groups. And if you really want to make a big deal of it, organize a parade. How about Left-handed People Who Are Allergic to Eggplant? There are probably not a lot of you out there, but if you put some effort into it there is no doubt some place that will let you demonstrate for priority treatment. I can see the headlines now: NEXT SATURDAY! EGGPLANT-ALLERGIC LEFTIES PRIDE PARADE!

Pride is a powerful thing. Without it, little would ever be accomplished. But it’s time for Pride to become personal again, where it does some good. I’m waiting for the day when all the front page stories reflect some news other than the latest Gay Pride (Black Pride, Brown Pride, Lily-White Pride, Eggplant-Allergic Lefties Pride) Parade.

Okay, I admit that’s all pretty silly. I don’t really want a parade. I just want to be accepted for who I am, which is what I thought everyone wanted. Guess I was wrong.

I’ll see you again, after the commercial.