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I know this isn’t an original idea, because every time I mention it to someone he laughs and says,”Oh, yeah, I thought of that, too.” But I believe that if we all get behind this thing, we can make a huge difference in the way our country operates, and it can’t help but be for the better.

It’s pretty simple, really. Just return the nice card. Or form. Or letter.

Any time I get one of those “You are pre-approved” type letters, I tend to grit my teeth and shred it, grumbling all the while about how these people are infringing on my time and space and wasting money that could be better spent elsewhere. With my new idea, I plan to actually return the form in its no-stamp-needed envelope, carefully marked NO! and take me off your list or I’ll report you! in black indelible ink.

But, you say, if I return the form, they can say I’ve established a “business relationship” and they’ll continue to send the damn things. Well, do you really think they’re going to stop if you don’t return the form, either?

The beauty of my idea is that it solves several problems at once, or at least mitigates them to some extent. First of all, if every one of us deals with the unwanted solicitations in this manner for just one month, the USPS may find itself in the black, at least for that period of time. The extra money that the USPS gets will come not from us–the unwilling recipients of the junk mail–but from the business owners, who must pay not only the per-piece postage but also an extra fee. Good for the USPS, not so good for the business.

No, I don’t believe that the extra few cents I cost the credit card company will do them under. But just think of the total costs they’d incur if every one of those millions of postage-paid envelopes came back to them!

Okay, the whole idea needs a little work. I’m not an economic genius. It takes all my concentration to figure how much to leave for a tip. Still, it might be worth a shot, if I can find another 200 million people to go along with me.

Now if I could just think of some way to work the same magic on spam phone calls.

I’ll see you again, after the commercial.

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