Since the stores around here began replacing useful items on their shelves with the bright, shiny money-makers aimed at Christmas gift-givers I’ve been noticing a whole slew of items that would be great fun to have–if I lived in a 20,000 s.f. home with two kitchens and closets the size of double garages. I offer this short list for your shopping consideration in case I’m on your list. Just, please, take a moment to contact me ahead of time if any of these call out to you.

  • Milk Frother. What a delightful idea! Who needs Starbucks if I can fluff up my own hot chocolate right here in the kitchen?
  • Space bags. This is something that sounds useful. In fact I bought some a few years ago, planning to resolve my entire clutter problem by compressing everything I own into two well-squeezed bags of indefinable “stuff.” The one thing I forgot was that my vacuum is an upright type with no hose at all, which made it very difficult to suck the air out of that carefully designed hole in the bag.
  • Temperature-controlled wine cooler. Sorry, I’m more an iced tea kind of gal. The cooler might be okay for those who like kind of lukewarm sodas, but I’ve found that putting those in the fridge (which I already own) works out just fine.
  • Closet organizers. These have proliferated in the last few years under names like The Closet Company, The Closet Connection, The Closet Factory, The Closet Miracle. Their pictures just make you itch to empty your closets and your wallet to achieve the impossible: a closet where there is a place for everything and everything in its place. Please be aware that this only works if your wardrobe consists of two shirts, some very short pants, and a robe that covers only the bare essentials.
  • Kitchen essentials. I already have a spatula, thank you, and I still haven’t found a use for that tiny fondue pot that I bought myself four or five years ago. Of course, mine don’t have the big names on them, but I still think the $1.99 flexible spatula I’ve had for 25 years is the best one in the drawer.
  • Electronics. Well, I know enough to pop something in this blog now and again, but beyond that, I’m lost. I’m sorry to say that an i-anything will probably end up on the shelf in my Closet Miracle area.
  • Pricey cosmetics and fragrances. The older I get, the more I’m convinced that a slathering of olive oil will do more for my dry skin than that $150 jar of cucumber-scented placenta oil, and with less cringing on my part. As for perfume, I already have a full closet (not a Closet Miracle, just a closet) of sprays and spritzes that I don’t remember to apply anyway.
  • Gift baskets. Oh, I love these! And, to tell the truth, the problem isn’t in the cookies or cheeses or cups-and-hot-chocolate that sit on their nests of cardboard and excelsior filler. You see, when I was still working, companies who supplied materials and services always brought in little (or gigantic) incentives to induce us to continue using their materials and services. These incentives often consisted of …right, gift baskets. I was quick to put dibs on the baskets when everyone else was quibbling over the wine and gourmet treats inside them. The problem is that I’ve accumulated twenty or thirty of the darn things. I’ve been threatened with divorce or something worse if I bring another one into the house.

I’d give you a longer list, but I don’t have time. I just got the new flyer from the As Seen On TV store, and I’m off to do my Christmas shopping!

I’ll see you again, after the commercial.